Dream big, little one.

And other popular lies that I won't be telling my children

Dream big, little one.

This is the beginning of anything you want.

Work hard. Dream big.

Believe and the results will be big.

Work hard and change the world.

Set big goals. Take big action.

Any of these quotes sound familiar? I imagine they do.

These are all quotes served to me via social media over the last week and in a very Carrie Bradshaw-esque way, I got to thinking about why we are continuing to pass these tropes on to our children when the repercussions are so damaging.

Of course I know the answer; we want our children to make the most of their lives and be happy. Naturally then, as far back as I can remember, I’ve been imbued with the sense that if I work hard enough, anything is possible. The undercurrent for me, as I watched five siblings fly the nest, was that to make a success of myself, I too needed to leave home, see the world, get a degree, and follow those big dreams.

I needed to make an impact on the world.

But here we are a few decades later with zero evidence any of that mindset has worked, helped or made us happier. My siblings and I turned out okay - as in, nobody turned to drugs or crime, but we have had our fair share of dramas, as do most people. Notably though, nobody has really done anything “great” or“big” or changed the world in any way but to add more people to it. Although I would argue, adding the next generation of people to the world and raising them to be kind and functional, is the best way to change the world. But that is a topic for another time. My point is that like most people, we turned out to live average lives that will one day be forgotten about.

Nonetheless, I am happy and I do consider my life to be successful. Don’t get me wrong, I am not encouraging people just accept their lot in life. I am simply noting that my own happiest times are when I’m doing the opposite of dreaming big or trying to change the world. I am happiest simply when I am just existing within it.

I love being at home, I love my small life running children around, cooking all the food, clapping my hands with enforced enthusiasm at baby group and being CEO of all things house and home. In contrast, I did not find the expected fulfilment or happiness when I pushed hard at my career, when I travelled all the damn time for said career, when I shopped for the latest whatever I wanted thing, when I ate at some of the best restaurants in the world (ok, that bit was nice) etc.

At the points in my life where an outsider may have looked and said “wow look what she’s doing with her life” I was probably my at my most insecure and anxious. Certainly, moments of good times were had but the even keeled, grounded, contentedness of life at home has surpassed any of those moments.

And so, I will not be telling my children to dream big. I won’t be telling them the lie that they can be anything and do anything they want, because they can’t. Nobody can. Instead, I just continue to find ways to observe who they are and what they feel called to do and I will support them in those endeavours when they are ready to make them. If for them that means winning a Nobel prize one day, then great. If for them that is cutting hair for a living, also great. Living a happy life has little to do with the scale of your ambition, notoriety, the letters after your name, fame or any of the false idols we uphold in society today.

Crucially, I am not going to hold up the ideal that to be a “success” you must change the world in any way. It is a fallacy that popular culture endorses, and I refuse to participate in when I know that a simple life at home may be all it takes to find true contentment.

I wonder what you think? Do you encourage your children to think big and dream big, believing this will bring happiness?